I Hate Being OK.

Okay.

“Bro, kamusta?” Tanong sa akin ni Kuya James.

“Ahh. OK lang naman.” sagot ko.

Hindi siya kuntento sa sagot ko, parang ‘yung itsura mo kapag nagpa-load ka ng P50 tapos P30 lang yung dumating, “Paanong OK? Ok na hindi, o OK na maayos naman?” tanong niya.

Nahirapan ako sumagot, sabi ko, “OK na sakto lang.”

Napaisip ko, bakit ako nahihirapan sumagot? At na-realize ko, dahil:

  1. Takot ako malaman niya na hindi talaga ako OK.
  2. Nagli-lead na ako kaya dapat maging OK ako.
  3. Hindi ako nag-quiet time kanina, nagbasa lang ako ng Diary ng Panget.

Kaya napatanong ako, “Ano namang problema kung hindi ako OK?”, at tinuro ng Holy Spirit ang sagot, kasi insecure ako. Na-iinsecure ako sa mga tao, kaya dapat I have to look good, I have to be the best, pero deep inside, hindi na pala ako nag go-grow.

”It is for freedom that Christ has set us free! Stand firm, then, and do not let yourself be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.”

-Galatians 5:1

Kadalasan alam na natin na pinalaya na tayo ni Jesus, pero hindi natin alam kung saan tayo naka-stand. Bakit? Kasi “OK lang” tayo.

Figure 1

Katulad ng graph sa itaas, as the time goes by, our passion and God’s lordship in our lives grow as well. Pero at a certain point, tumitigil na yung pag-grow ng passion at Lordship ni Jesus sa buhay natin. Kelan nangyayari to? Kapag nagiging “OK lang” tayo. OK lang sa lugar kung nasaan tayo, komportable naman e.

Kasi minsan alam na natin lahat. Alam na natin kung paano ngumiti, paano mag-pray, mag-encourage, magstatus ng bible verse sa facebook, mag-lead ng small group, mag-facilitate ng one2one, alam na natin kung paano laruin ang lahat. Alam natin ang chapter 1 to 3 ng one2one pero hindi natin ‘to na-e-experience.

Pero good news: Hindi mo mapepeke si Jesus.

Heto ang natutunan ko: Kapag mas nagiging totoo tayo sa mga struggles at sa sarili natin, mas nagiging totoo din ang pag-ibig ni Jesus sa atin, mas totoo pa sa hininga mo ngayon.

Eh ano kung may mga oras na hindi tayo OK? It does not define us. The Cross defines us. We are all a work in progress, and you and I are going to fight this good fight of faith.

Anong pipiliin mo, ang mamuhay ng nagtatago sa “safe” na maskara ng peke mong pagiging kristiyano, o ang mamuhay sa freedom at shameless life under God’s unconditional love?

God loves real and imperfect people. He loves Martha, Zacchaeus, Nicodemus, Peter, John, Paul, Cholo, Bethel, Paolo, Randy, Amira, Sacha, Jerrom, Au, Marize, Grace. He loves you.

To lead is to follow, and to follow is to be real.

To lead others is to follow Christ, and to follow Christ is to be real.

“But, “Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.”

-2 Corinthians 10:17

P.S.

Dahil sa Cross ni Jesus, you can now be real! Yey! Heto ang ilang practical ways na maaaring makatulong sa’yo sa step of faith na ito:

  1. Get a small group of people or a lone accountable person whom you can be accountable with.
  2. Be honest with yourself and to God during your quiet times, and ask Him to point things in your life that you need to surrender to Him.
  3. Ask grace (His undeserved favor) and receive grace. Yes! Because you are His son/daughter! And let His grace change you.

 

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